:: This Love ::
I was so high I did not recognize
The fire burning in her eyes
The chaos that controlled my mind
Whispered goodbye and she got on a plane
Never to return again
But always in my heart
This love has taken it's toll on me
She said goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore
I tried my best to feed her appetite
Keep her coming every night
So hard to keep her satisfied
Kept playing love like it was just a game
Pretending to feel the same
Then turn around and leave again
This love has taken it's toll on me
She said goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause I won't say goodbye anymore
I'll fix these broken things
Repair your broken wings
And make sure everything's alright
My pressure on your hips
Sinking my fingertips
Into every inch of you
Cause I know that's what you want me to do
:: not over ::
and.. we're back in the game!
:D
:: picking up the pieces ::
this is one of the blog entries i nv wanted to see appear on my blog.. but i kno, when it's time to end, it's time to end..
i haf been in previous relationships, yes.. but not one so intense.. so committed that every other day i wake up, i think abt the day i am married to him & wake up to our new life..
today, tt dream was crushed.. i dun realli kno how to say it.. nor do i kno how to explain it.. it is true, he alwaes used to say, "as long as we love each other, nothing can get us down.." i believed tt for a while.. until recently i realised.. tt is not true at all.. we r not the only ppl involved in our relationship.. there is his family, my family, his frens & my frens.. since it gets so complicated, it wud b best to keep others out of our own relationship, rite? i thot everyone knew tt.. chinese saying goes, "jia chou bu ke wai yang" (never wash your dirty linen in public).. i guess the consequences of not heeding tt saying can b pretty drastic..
so now tt i haf decided it's time for us to part even tho i still love him very much.. i realised it is gg to b harder than i imagined.. it's not like i can jus pick up the pieces & move on.. cuz these pieces are too heavy.. it's refusing to budge.. every time i try to pick it up, tears well up in my eyes.. i want to call him and say let's get back tgt.. but i kno i can't.. cuz there are too many differences between us.. our beliefs are different.. our family values are different.. most importantly, our priorities are different.. in a circumstance like this one, issit realli possible that love alone will see us thru?
no doubt it is a logical decision to break up, it is a horrible way to break up.. we didn't cheat, we didn't lie.. we are jus.. not meant to be. he messaged me after tt to say tt he hopes i find my real prince charming.. but i haf no courage to tell him tt he IS my prince charming.. jus tt we are not fated to be.
at this moment, i miss him very very much. i dunno if there's ever gg to b another one who will treat me so gentle, so patient, and so forgiving.. but i hope he do find another tt will treat him the same..
i am like a lost sheep now. my thots wander cuz they only knew him for a long time, my hands limp cuz they can't find their campanion hand to hold, my eyes dim as they kno they no longer will see the face that lit up each time they saw them.. and my heart aches as it has been torn away from its other half..
i need the strength to move on.. and one day pick up the pieces tt used to form a beautiful memory.
for the last time, b.. u realli mean a lot to me and wat hurts the most is not tt we haf broken up.. but tt i haf hurt u.. i am real sorry.. i hope u find only the best in ur life and go on to b tt successful person u were meant to b.. i love u so much tt i haf to let u go.. i kno u will find it in ur heart one day to forgive me.. sorry..
:: i can breathe for the 1st time ::
Here's the thing we started off friends
It was cool but it was all pretend
Yeah yeah
Since you've been gone
You dedicated you took the time
Wasn't long till I called to mind
Yeah
Since you've been gone
And all you'd ever hear me say
Is how I pictured me with you
That's all you'd ever hear me say
But since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you
Now I get
What I want
Since you've been gone
How can I put it? you put me on
I even fell for that stupid love song
Yeah yeah
Since you've been gone
How come I never hear you say
I just wanna be with you
I guess you never felt that way
But since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you
Now I get
I get what I want
Since you've been gone
You had your chance you blew it
Out of sight, out of mind
Shut your mouth I just can't take it
Again and again and again and again
Since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you (thanks to you)
Now I get
I get what I want
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you (thanks to you)
Now I get (I get)
You should know (you should know)
That I get
I get what I want
Since you've been gone
Since you've been gone
Since you've been gone
:: that i would be good ::
i have accumulated too much, now i dunno where to start blogging.. all thanks to the look nice but dun work nice notebook in my office.. screwing up on me so i haven't been able to access blogspot from office. not having been able to blog realli almost took my life away in the office.. but i guess.. it's jus as well.
since we are at tt topic, let's jus con't. work has been ok so far. i am still lost but at least i am starting to b more comfortable in the office and with my boss now. in fact.. my relationship with my boss is better than i ever thot possible. i actually can't wait for my boss b back in the office when he recovers from his foot injury. (ok tt's another story altogether. mayb another time. :P) so perhaps.. i cud realli learn to love my job. with so many hands reaching out to help me, i am real lucky. i hope i can advance in my current company. **God bless me!**
so yday was V day. THE day. i mus say.. i didn't exactly enjoy myself, but it had been an exceptionally meangingful day for me.. it was sad, hurting, shocking all in one. but.. it also gave me many realisations.. perhaps.. i realli need to re-evaluate wat i wan in this relationship & wat i truly need. & where do i see this relationship in the next 5 years. these questions had nv been harder to answer than now. for a long time, i felt tt it was gg my way.. exactly how i wanted it. but.. i discovered tt not only i was wrong, i was far from it. it was scary. it was like my whole jus crumbled on me.. and the person who promised to be there to brave all storms with me.. wasn't there suddenly. it was terribly painful & i cudn't stop crying.. i didn't kno myself.. and i didn't kno him.. it was like, everything had gone wrong from the start. how bad can things get right.
thanks to my aunt.. i managed to pull thru for a while, straighten out my thots for a while.. and gathered my emotions at peace. i do love him. but it is indeed upsetting if the relationship carried on the way it did. so how, brown cow? i seem to be asking tt a lot these days. simply cuz the answer cannot b found. except to keep trying, trying & trying..
summing up my life for the past 2 months.. unstable, unpredictable & uneasy.
something to brighten my day, someone?
actually.. i think i feel happy oredi.. contentment is the word. understanding is the word. respect is the word. finally LOVE is THE word.
d'ya kno wat i mean?
:: there's never a good time for goodbye ::
read this on the net, thot it was real helpful.. jus something to share with every one..
Trying to decide whether or not to break up? There are some instances when the decision is a foregone conclusion -- you are unhappy and not fulfilled by the relationship, so you know it is time to leave. However, there are other times when the decision isn't so clear. Researchers have found several common indicators of relationship problems. They are:
Feeling taken for granted or unappreciated
Not enjoying time spent together
Feeling unloved
Lack of communication
Having little in common
Lack of trust
Lack of emotional intimacy
Lack of sexual intimacy If you are feeling any of these in your relationship, you can: 1) address them with your partner and try to come to a new understanding of what you both want and need; or 2) re-evaluate whether or not to stay. Only you can decide how important these issues are to you.
Some components are necessary for a healthy and satisfying relationship. Some of them are:
Compatibility: You don't have to have everything in common but it's good to have some similar interests.
Truthfulness: Telling white lies is one thing, but making a pattern of it is another. If there isn't honesty and trust in a relationship, then you are heading for trouble.
Opinions on children: Having children is a major life decision that both partners need to agree upon.
Attitudes about money: Couples need to be very clear about what their expectations and needs are concerning making, spending, and sharing money.
Educational attainment: Couples who have similar educational backgrounds tend to be happier. Resentment about educational inequality can lead to tension and feelings of inadequacy. Men are more threatened by women who have more education than vice versa.
Division of labor: Although women and men are much more equal in today's world, women still do the large majority of house and child care, whether they work outside the home or not. If you and your partner have different expectations about the division of chores, there will probably be tension. If you DO decide to break up, there are several things to keep in mind about coping emotionally:
"Time Heals All Wounds"
Remember that no matter how much you loved this person, there is not just one "right" person for any of us. You will be able to love again, given time.
Don't ignore the hurt.
Pain is inevitable and normal. If you repress the hurt it will resurface at some point.
Get over the "emotional dependency" on the relationship.
Keep your schedule full -- with friends, family, hobbies, etc. Do things and be with people that make you feel good about yourself.
Make a "clean break" if you need.
Don't go to the person you have broken up with for advice on how to deal with your pain. Find other people to talk to about the subject.
Breaking up with someone isn't just about pain.
It is a time to explore yourself - form new friendships, pursue new or old hobbies, treat yourself to special things, etc. One of the problems that accompanies a breakup is the uncertainty of whether or not the relationship is really over. Many people continue to hang onto a bad relationship rather than go through what they feel will be unbearable pain. This just prolongs the pain, which leads to resentment and anger. Be clear about what you need and do whatever it takes to achieve that.
If you are the initiator in the breakup, you may have conflicted or guilty feelings. You may want to break up with someone even if you still care about them. The key is to know what you want and to take steps to make that happen.
Either way, remember that all relationships have some problems - nothing is perfect. If you look back over your previous relationships, you may find that you had similar problems in different relationships - patterns of behavior that you may take with you. So be careful when trying to decide what is tolerable and what isn't in any given relationship.
:: Anger Management ::
i haf issues! & i finally kno wat!! i kno la, i am a bit
hou4 zhi1 hou4 jue2.. but, better late than never! :p
my bf & i r having so much trouble in our relationship.. i jus can't put my finger to it. today, finally.. i have e answer!!
all along i knew e answer was me. i am the problem of our relationship. but i never knew wat. after surfing the web to find out how to better manage my relationship.. i found out tt.. it is due to...
POOR ANGER MANAGEMENT!i read a few articles online & it was so true, wat they say! and it is, really, breaking up my almost wonderful relationship with my bf.. fact is i am happy with him & i do love him very much. so y all the quarells all the time. Poor Anger Management.. now i kno..
when i read this, i knew this was my problem:
"When is anger a problem? Anger is a problem when it is too frequent, too intense, lasts too long, leads to aggression, and disturbs work, school and relationships."All the things said above is wat happens with me. i get angry too often, too much and lasts so long tt sometimes i forget wat i was angry abt. needless to say, it causes cracks in my relationship. not good at all.
after tt, i read this:
"One of the most common cause of "over-reactive" anger (rage) is the result of suppressed anger from the past! Most people have a pattern of "suppressing" their anger until the pressures, tensions and stress become intolerable. At this point, they usually "erupt" like a volcano! They find themselves doing and saying things they don't want to do. Stuff they know they'll regret in the morning. But they do it anyway. They don't know how not to over-react! They don't know where the button to turn their anger down or off is "emotionally" located."that, is so me. and i do tt all the time.
*my poor bf*i haf been trying not to get angry so much over the CNY holidays tho. and it is knda working. cuz i worked out my own methods of anger management & it is helping a bit cuz at least now my bf is a tad bit happier.. and so am i. :)
but this morning i got angry again over some things tt my bf did not tell me. *possessitivity at work* is there even such a word?? haha. well.. as stated in my past entry, i am still learning to let my bf go.. in the sense tt he gets some personal space and freedom.. his own privacy. plus now i am starting to try to get less angry (and eventually one day not get angry at all).. for the 1st time in a long long time, i actually feel hopeful for my bf & i. :) simply cuz, now i am willing to change.
*spots of a leopard do change after all*baby, i am so sorry for all the hurt, mental stress & verbal abuse i put u thru.. i realli appreciate all tt u do for me.. pls haf patience and faith with me.. i kno i can do it.. and tt we will make it tgt. :)
i love u, b!
:: me VS myself ::
today, i am going to b bold. i am going to embark on a topic which i may not kno how to begin, how to proceed, nor might i kno how to end. nevertheless, i need to talk abt it in the best way i possibly can.
someone has said that i haf higher expectations of other ppl than i do for myself. i am aware of tt, i am not offended. cuz most of the time, majority of the ppl R like tt, no? u say wat others shud b doing, instead of wat they haf done, how they shud haf done it in stead of wat has oredi been done. basically it's a lot of talk and no work done. i.e, it is also called bragging. i am guilty of tt but i do not think it is wrong. pls allow me to explain myself.
1st of all, r we saying unless we haf been thru the same exact situation given the same circumstances, then only r we allowed to make comments abt wat happened? then wat abt freedom of speech? (o i'm sorry, we're in SG) even so, why can't i b myself and say wat i wanna? i mean, i am comfortable with being myself, so y shud i watch wat i say?
on the other hand, for the consideration of other ppl, for some reason they may not be happy with ur comments. so then we shud b moderate and general with our comments and not make it too personal? but we all kno who we're talking abt, rite? so wat is the problem now..??
omg, i am so confused by my own raging thots tt dun seem to be settling anytime yet. shud i change myself jus to suit the other person? issit fair for both of us if i had to lie abt something jus to keep the peace between us? is tt realli wat human chemistry is? compromising and lying?
i am totally lost now cuz i dun seem to kno myself anymore. i dun say the things i wanna say, i dun show my true emotions anymore. i can't b myself anymore.
is this part of growing up? or am i being caught in a difficult situation and tt i cannot see it?
is this realli love?
i am so disillusioned.. i dun think i shud b thinking abt this any longer. i jus wan my peace and comfy lil shell back.
where has it gone?
