:: i wanna eat a whole dinosaur. more spring onions, pls. ::
i found out today, tt how good ur appetite is, is very much based on ur mood. i mean i alwaes heard of this but i nv thot it happens to me too. cuz, u kno, i can b quite a glutton. :p
for the past week, i had a rough time with my bf. i was still eating.. but i jus nv felt hungry. and i took all my meals, but it was alwaes minimal quantity.
today, i am feeling over the moon, definitely a lot happier. and i came to work, with a growling like mad stomach! i mean i didn't do anything different, i ate the same dinner at the same time at the same place the night b4.. in fact i was oredi feeling better last night so i had supper. yet my stomach was still growling this morning!! something tt hasn't happened since my poly days.. which is abt a year back.
it feels good to b hungry. i can eat a dinosaur. :)
most imptly, i think my r/ship has been saved. i am thankful and grateful to whoever is watching over me up above.
i wun screw up this time.
*smiles* *smiles* *smiles* *smiles* *smiles* *smiles* *smiles* *smiles* *smiles* *smiles* *smiles* *smiles* *smiles* *smiles*
:: the tranquility b4 the storm? ::
it's time to take a step back. and jus relax. maybe it realli isn't abt me anymore.
funny thing is, lately i've been very cool abt all the things tt will usually make me blow my top. way too cool. i think something's wrong. (now u kno why my blog is titled "My Drama-Rama Mind"!)
i am no longer getting angry.. no longer getting irritated.. i jus.. accept it. get upset abt it, and move on. is this healthy? am i like this cuz i realli wanna do something for him or tt i jus cannot b bothered anymore? in the sense tt i dun wanna quarrel no more and the only way to do tt is to not talk, not make comments, basically not make an issue out of anything. it honestly does not seem right to me, even tho on the surface, everything seems fine.
one thing for sure, he seems happier this way. maybe now i finally get a taste of wat he went thru for the past 3 years. of not getting things his way.
and eventually, he broke down, cud not do it no more, wud not take it no more.
i want to make this work, but it seems too difficult. yet giving up is not an opion. one of the things i hate most, wait and see.
we jus haf to wait and see.
:: 一路向北 ::
后视镜里的世界
越来越远的道别
你转身向背
侧脸还是很美
我用眼光去追
竟听见你的泪
在车窗外面排徊
是我错失的机会
你站的方位
跟我中间隔着泪
街景一直在后退
你的崩溃在窗外零碎
我一路向北
离开有你的季节
你说你好累
已无法再爱上谁
风在山路吹
过往的画面
全都是我不对
细数惭愧我伤你几回
:: 爱多少 早知道 ::
我的头发已全部剪掉
你指定的发型我现在不想要
我再也不会抱着你聊
聊那些以前以为有的未来
对你说的话
现在想起来多可笑
请你别太计较
早知道我会爱得受不了
就该随身带着一把剪刀
把所有我不爱的画面都去掉
是否我会更好
早知道认识你像玩高空弹跳
拉扯你我爱的距离忽大忽小
也许认识我的时候你就知道
你对我的爱有多少
:: finally ::
wat realli happens when 2 persons get tgt? do we both adopt the same beliefs? or do we try to b receptive of each's opinions? are these realli problems or does it surface in every relationship after a while? if i am asked to abandon to my principles so as to b with the one i love.. will tt b right..? but the true question is.. will i realli b happy?
jus like i haf asked him to abandon the thing tt means the most to him, he is asking the same of me. from wat i understand now, being with someone means becoming a totally different person? it is true, 2 persons staying tgt.. it shud result in making each other becoming better persons. in my way, i thot i was making him a better person. but in his, i was changing him. and to him, my perceptions were wrong since they are different form his. i was only trying to make myself happy, maybe i haf been selfish. maybe i dunno wat it takes to b in a relationship at all.
i haf alwaes knew of our differences. it has alwaes, to me, been the biggest barrier from moving forward. but slowly, i've learnt to accept them and tt it is a part of being in someone else's life. jus when i am prepared to take the leap, i am getting signals tt he is giving up. how am i supposed to take tt?
call me a coward, but i am realli afraid of the hurt tt comes with it.. so.. i am slowly walking away.. i hope it wun hit me too bad.
life is so unpredictable. the one thing i thot i wud surely b able to hold on to.. is slipping away.. wat more do i haf to trust in life?
c'est la vie. come on, let's get it over and done with.
:: Ungoverned Ministry Rocks! ::
i dunno if i ever mentioned that the last time i went to MoS, was wat i thot to be the last. cuz it was simply terrible! the crowd, the music, the decor, it was jus all wrong! i sweared nv to go bac there, ever!
but well, i am a fiercely loyal fren and so when a mate called me to up to go for her bdae bash at MoS, hey, of cuz i'll oblige! Anything for a good ol' fren!
The Bdae girl with us!of cuz, i dragged poor 3sa along. :p (thanks, babe!! muacks!!)
so both of us, tired from a day's work.. were almost dragging our feet to clarke quay.. when we went in to MoS, we were like, "alright, here goes.. yawn.."
but somehow.. i dunno how, it started to get fun! we were first at PURE with the bdae girl of cuz, then we went gallavanting, since u kno, we were quite green at MoS. haha. we ventured into 54, as well as the main arena.. and.. it was quite funny looking at the ppl dancing. but not as interesting as the mambo go-ers. :p later on more poly mates came and it was real nice to see them after so long. :) one of them brought us to the rnb room and i was like, "where the hell haf i been all this time?! dang!"
the RnB room. IS GREAT. Fantastic. Spectacular. i love it!
ok i kno ppl must now b gg, "wat took u so long! loser!"
well, zouk/phuture has alwaes been home. it's hard to move out of comfort zone sometimes. so.. yea. NOW i kno. MoS IS fun!
so.. girls, how abt another venture into MoS sometime soon?? i guarantee u, this time it will not b anything like the last!!! like, nex week? hahha. my feet is itching for some damn smooth moves.
The Bdae girl with my poly mates, Jasper and Terrence!*special thanks to Terence!*
:: some things r not meant for sharing ::
all i wan is the attention tt i shud haf. why do i alwaes hafta share? 8 times out of 10 i hafta share. why can't it b 2 out of 10? why am alwaes the one being sacrificed for being spent time with? all i ask for is quality time. THAT'S ALL. issit realli so hard???
and these are ppl he see almost everyday. jus some time alone with me, spending quality time.. and u telling me, "no, it can't b done. uh-uh."
then honestly, fcuk this whole thing abt being in a relationship. if i can't even demand some time attention and time, wat e fcuk am i being in a relationship for? to b ignored, to fight with other ppl for attention?? wat for?!
i deserve better. way better.
:: idiot's guide to managing relationships? ::
relationships r hard. how do i maintain one and stay happy in it?
is there a idiot's guide to managing relationships? pls tell me where to buy it.
:(
btw, it is so out of character for me. but i am feeling upset cuz i missed the man u match last night!!! omg. soccer sucks. right?
argh! wat is the results?? did ronaldo score??
**i dunno myself anymore**
:: God Bless Me ::
tomoro onwards, my life's gonna change. it's gonna b tough. pls pray for me. i hope i'll pull thru all the shitty things tt refuse to stop coming at me.
i jus need a lil more courage, a lil more confidence and a lil more love. and i'll b fine, i promise. i wun ask for more.
God help me.. pls.
:: life's a bitch ::
when one gets down on his luck, one gets real down on his luck.
i wud say.. compared to my peers, i'm far more financially burdened than they are. more than half of my pay i do not spend on myself. (the controlling part is realli NOT easy!) every time i want to take a day off work, i think twice, thrice. dun think i can afford to. my job is the thing tt keeps me happy these days (apart from its functions) cuz it satisfies my finances quite comfortably.
so wat happens if one day i lose my job? or if my mother falls ill and needs an op? or if my brother doesn't work but someone still needs to pay for him? or if my sister suddenly decides to take off and jus leave everything to me?
wat if the above happened all at the same time?
wat if, at this moment, it were all true and not "if-s"?i think.. maybe.. it will b best you leave me alone.
i also concluded, compared to my peers, i haf far more stress and added responsibilities that i will nv b able to explain to them unless they go thru it as well.
wat do u kno, end of the day, it's as the saying goes, "every man for themselves".
this world is a sad sad place.
