:: picking up the pieces ::
this is one of the blog entries i nv wanted to see appear on my blog.. but i kno, when it's time to end, it's time to end..i haf been in previous relationships, yes.. but not one so intense.. so committed that every other day i wake up, i think abt the day i am married to him & wake up to our new life..
today, tt dream was crushed.. i dun realli kno how to say it.. nor do i kno how to explain it.. it is true, he alwaes used to say, "as long as we love each other, nothing can get us down.." i believed tt for a while.. until recently i realised.. tt is not true at all.. we r not the only ppl involved in our relationship.. there is his family, my family, his frens & my frens.. since it gets so complicated, it wud b best to keep others out of our own relationship, rite? i thot everyone knew tt.. chinese saying goes, "jia chou bu ke wai yang" (never wash your dirty linen in public).. i guess the consequences of not heeding tt saying can b pretty drastic..
so now tt i haf decided it's time for us to part even tho i still love him very much.. i realised it is gg to b harder than i imagined.. it's not like i can jus pick up the pieces & move on.. cuz these pieces are too heavy.. it's refusing to budge.. every time i try to pick it up, tears well up in my eyes.. i want to call him and say let's get back tgt.. but i kno i can't.. cuz there are too many differences between us.. our beliefs are different.. our family values are different.. most importantly, our priorities are different.. in a circumstance like this one, issit realli possible that love alone will see us thru?
no doubt it is a logical decision to break up, it is a horrible way to break up.. we didn't cheat, we didn't lie.. we are jus.. not meant to be. he messaged me after tt to say tt he hopes i find my real prince charming.. but i haf no courage to tell him tt he IS my prince charming.. jus tt we are not fated to be.
at this moment, i miss him very very much. i dunno if there's ever gg to b another one who will treat me so gentle, so patient, and so forgiving.. but i hope he do find another tt will treat him the same..
i am like a lost sheep now. my thots wander cuz they only knew him for a long time, my hands limp cuz they can't find their campanion hand to hold, my eyes dim as they kno they no longer will see the face that lit up each time they saw them.. and my heart aches as it has been torn away from its other half..
i need the strength to move on.. and one day pick up the pieces tt used to form a beautiful memory.
for the last time, b.. u realli mean a lot to me and wat hurts the most is not tt we haf broken up.. but tt i haf hurt u.. i am real sorry.. i hope u find only the best in ur life and go on to b tt successful person u were meant to b.. i love u so much tt i haf to let u go.. i kno u will find it in ur heart one day to forgive me.. sorry..
posted by Mrs. Lee @ 7:37 PM
7 Comments:
Hey! Glad you like them.
Actually she post in warnermusic taiwan. But i seen a collection of her posts over the years in a china forum. (cos got more over there) :) But the bad thing is, it's all in chinese, the entire forum.
If u like, i can post a few each time. There isn't like ALOT though.. :)
Just came back from a short trip and found the kids down with flu. That very day, my nose started to run. So, I'm unable to continue with my physical training. This is very worrying. The other day I had a horrible nightmare. I dreamt that some 'terrorists' decided to attack celebrities. Needless to say I was one of the targeted ones. They would dress up like security guards and blast us with their machine guns. I was shot at my left wrist. Amazingly when I woke up, my left wrist felt twisted. hee hee
Nonetheless I was very tired when I woke up. All that dodging and running and feeling frightened. Yesterday I slept till 12 and napped in the afternoon. At night I slept at 9 and woke up at 3! So now I'm wide awake.
Cooked some instant noodles but could hardly eat. Food tastes funny when you are sick. So I left it on the table....there's alot left, couldn't bear to thow it, but I know nobody's going to eat it the next morning. I'm not sure if not emptying it into the bin makes me feel less guilty. Maybe it does.
There is a lot of stuff that I want to say, maybe to make me feel better when I'm heard, maybe to justify, maybe not to, maybe to share beautiful things, maybe to share unfortunate moments, maybe to get things off my chest.
I will not do that today, because some things are really not meant for your ears, but I'll try to do that with music ok? I'm too pensive when I write sometimes....and I'm not 'too talented', I'm just too egoistical.
I will sleep a while more, since the house is silent and quiet. Will be spending Christmas at home and will try to resume my training soon. Take care you all.
yz
(this is 2005-12-14 04:37:08)
she always slp very late
Posted on 2005-11-28 01:26:34
Dear all
All these news. HMMPH. Nobody tells me what to do.
I have had a blessed career so far. And these things will not get me down.
My insomnia is caused by a very active mind since the bulk of the food does not go to the right places. As usual, I've been thinking about what I want to do next. I see a little light at the end of the tunnel. That's where I'm heading.
Thank you for trying to understand and all your support. I really appreciate it.
See you in a while crocodiles.
yz
Posted: 2005-10-22 03:14:36
DEAR ALL
FINALLY!!!! I am truly able to sit comfortably at my taipei place, to send you all this message.
HOW ARE THINGS??
As you all know I\'ve been busy. Just shot another MTV today, it\'s NOT TOO BAD, NOT TOO BAD.
Today I dressed up prettily to attend a party. gosh, when WAS the last time??....but it was quite cool. And I got to see many rich people dressed in their finest livery, admiring the dazzling jewels adorning the many tall thin models, planning their next buy. My my, what different lives everyone leads.
The other day someone sent me a picture of a boy in Sudan crawling towards the direction of the red cross tents. A vulture was waiting in the background. It was probably waiting for the starving boy to collapse before its feast. The photographer went back home and commited suicide not long after. Was it the impact of such a horrifying sight that made him go mad? Or the fact that he was busy taking pictures instead of doing something? Don\'t know.
Don\'t dwell on this. Just thank our lucky stars. And you know what.
love
yz in the red dress
Date: 2 May 2005
Time: 23:04:09
Posted at WarnerMusic Forum
Dear all
HI!
It's raining very heavily outside. I'm at a recording studio right now and I haven't got much to share....
Hmm.
ha.
yodelay heeeee.
How about a lesson in.....LDMR. Law of Diminishing Marginal Returns.
This concept I learnt in Economics in Junior College (or High School).
The first time I learnt it I was amazed by this simple yet extremely concise way of summarizing human beings.
Imagine you are very hungry, you begin to eat what you have longed to eat.....say a donut. The first donut is heaven. You finish one in 10 seconds and lick the powdered sugar off your lips. The 2nd donut you might take 15 seconds to finish. And when you are offered a 3rd, you are hesitant. And if you are forced to eat a 4th, the donut begins to tasted like a ring of lard.
This Law states that wth every increase in consumption of a unit, your utility (satisfaction) will reach a point where it will increase at a decreasing rate and eventually start to decline. You would want to smack anyone who offers you the next donut.
It is so relevant in my everyday life that I want to share it with you. How do you prevent it? You can't if you offer the same thing again and again. It has to be something else, say a mint, a yogurt drink, a chocolate chip cookie. NO I'm not refering to the people who queue up forever to bring me the donuts (I SHARE them, LDMR does not apply here.) I'm talking about this industry. The fickle consumers, the same old artistes and the one thing that we offer, music. How do we offer something else? Hmm. Ha. I don't have all the answers.
ok that's all folks.
growing up,
yz
Hope you're feeling better! :)
Remember during her sg concert, she said this “Men should not accept destiny, you should choose it”, she continued, “下来的五分钟, 我们不知道会发生什么事, 但是我们要往前…”
(hope u can read the chinese characters)
Look ahead! oh yah, regarding the abv phrase, she read it from a book, but nt the exact sentence as she said. its from "the alchemist" by paulo choelho. (she replied to a fan in the forum)
it's a great book. check it out.
will post the other msges subsequently.
sorry i replied so late.. but i realli appreciate ur kind words. :) hey jus curious, can we do a brief intro of each other here?
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