:: negative source of motivation ::
i nv used to dislike m'sians this much until i met my new freaky colleague. & i haf found e answer as to why she acts like such a freak. well, the reason is simple. she does think tt she is different from us. she does not talk to me & colleague (which we all share the same work partitions with) in the way she talks to others. my colleague, a secretary, & me a fresh-out-of poly girl is apparently too low-class for her. When other colleagues of management level come to her desk, she immediately perks up & comes up with all her big theories & abt wat she used to teach at NUS. She speaks in a deliberate way for all in the partition to hear. She does treats us like bimbos. (well, one fact for sure, we r prettier than her.) it is not tahan-able. working with someone like tt realli kills my self-esteem & morale, given e little bit tt i've got left.. having said so much, i do dislike her.. but at e same time, i wonder if i'm jus bitter abt it.. that she is far more knowlegdeable & capable than me.. & in e position tt i hope to b in..i'm 23 this year. yet i've only completed my diploma & holding my 1st job only now. my sister, when she was my age, she oredi completed her triple B degree.. & earning probably 1.5 times of wat i earn now.. she nv had to "start from scratch". She joined her current employment as pre-managerial level & was in fact asked to join them even b4 she graduated..
secretly, i haf low self-esteem. alwaes being compared to my sis, i felt inferior as a child. my sister was alwaes smarter, she was alwaes the role model, she alwaes did e right things even in the worse situations. me.. i failed my o'levels, went to ITE, stayed an extra semester in Poly.. wat do i do right, realli..?
sometimes when i'm sitting at my desk & all these "high-flyers" buzz ard me speaking in their management tones, i feel so small & little & somewhat ashamed.. i wish i cud find a hole to hide myself.. i hate having to explain why i'm 23 yet i only have a diploma & am holding my 1st full-time job.. wat am i supposed to say anywae, "o, cuz u kno, i'm not as bright..", or "yea, guess i took a longer route than all the normal ppl.." Gosh.. How do i put tt across w/o having to sound stupid..? =(
On a happier note (dun worry i'm not having suicidal thots), at least i completed my diploma despite having gone to ITE. & if i hafta take e longer route to reach my destination, then i will but with brisk steps & a big smile on my face. =D
posted by Mrs. Lee @ 2:52 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home