:: My Drama-Rama Mind ::

:: truly.. madly.. deeply.. .. .. blue.. .. .. ::

i kno tt i haf a problem.. i'm trying my best not to b so meticulate n particular abt all e little things in a relationship.. but e more i keep it inside, e more upset i am.. and when i try to communicate across to him, i do it in e worse way possible.. like getting angry and throwing tantrums.. alwaes wanting it my way.. and no matter wat he says or does, it will not appease me. why?? i am so conscious of this but yet i do it all e time.. am i taking it for granted?? but i am aware of it, i realli am.. so it's not jus e men, i dun get it too.

maybe we r spending too much time tgt, my life revolves too much ard him.. so when he's not with me, i feel he owes it to me.. and tt he shud b with me whenever he can. does tt make sense? apparently not.. so wat's e remedy to this?? i shud start living my own life, apart from him.. or lower my expectations, take things as they come, stop having hopes and wishes and bla bla bla.. i dun like e 2nd option.. but e 1st one ain't too appealing either.. i feel damn shitty. i'm making life hard for e both of us. i kno it's so hard for him cuz he doesn't kno wat i want (but i dun too) and he doesn't kno how to deal with it and he realli wants me to b happy.. i wan us to be happy too.. but somehow it's jus not working. it's me. i kno. but i realli dunno wat to do.. it feels like we're in a make or break situation. i very much wanna make it but i'm breaking it with my very own hands. moron. me. fool. me. retarded asshole. me. f*cking stupid. me. bloody spoilt. me. unreasonable. still me.

i can officially kill myself now.

posted by Mrs. Lee @ 10:57 PM