:: My Drama-Rama Mind ::

:: montage of ... ::

new sch term.. my last one too.. finally?! can't imagine i pulled thru this 3 and a half years at NYP.. <- i'm not saying this cuz i'm a sch rebel or anything but NYP realli is a screwed up place, dun say i didn't warn you. am looking forward to finally graduating and working for my own keep!!

haf this kinda, well, luke-warm interesting thing gg on 4 me.. still not very sure if i shud commit to it cuz, i feel i've lost the passion for it even tho it has been my long time dream and this might b my last shot at it. but i'm jus too thin-skinned for such things and being in the limelight is alwaes uncomfortable for me (but i've alwaes managed a cool front, somehow..) but i do love to perform and the stage is alwaes an enticing place to be. haven't told many abt this thing i've taken part of and i'm afraid of telling! not tt i'm embarrassed to be part of it but it's more like.. i'm not comfortable being discussed abt so openly.. man.. i am realli having a tough time facing e reality abt actually making my childhood/long-time dream come true!

and ya.. was thinking of joining SQ cabin crew a month bac when they were open for application.. i mean, it's a practical job to take up for good money but.. it doesn't seem to do any more good other than financially. personally, i am not in love with the job. not even with the fact tt i get to travel for free. i wud b happier travelling with my own hard earned money to enjoy e fruits of my labour with my travel mates rather than fly ard relentlessly for work/for free with my work mates.. man, world of a difference. yes i may not get to see as much as i wud as an flight attendant but at least i will enjoy my life more and lead a more fruitful lifestyle. yes i am willing to give up tt extra cash (ok, a lot more cash) for this bit of freedom and happiness. and most imptly, stability of my relationship.

however, i will not deny e fact tt my relationship weighed a ton on my decision to not join SQ. if i were single and carefree, i might take a plunge into it but e fact is i'm attached and happily taken so i dun think this job is worthy of jeopardizing my relationship with my hubby-to-be. and it wud b so unfair to him.. after all, we all kno flight attendants do not haf a mighty good/clean reputation. (flight attendants r required to take HIV tests b4 taking up any insurance policy: how does tt reflect on them??) <- pls dun take any offence, i'm purely stating a fact. it wud b unfair to the partner as it wud b a mental torture to think of wat their gfs/bfs r up to when they r away even if they haf constantly assured/promised not to b naughty. i kno i wudn't wanna b put in tt position so i dun wan my bf 2 b put thru e torment either..

it's true tt there must b trust between a couple but this trust must not b deliberately put thru too many tests.. it will strain e relationship and i realli dun wanna risk tt. i may sound very cynical but i realli think no one can have total trust for another person.. so as much as possible, i wanna keep my relationship on e safe side of e field.. call me an escapist, whatever. i feel more at peace with myself like tt.

posted by Mrs. Lee @ 11:27 AM