:: My Drama-Rama Mind ::

:: i'm 23... i'm 23?? ::

i think it is a bit late at this time to have an identity crisis.. but i do! standing at 23 years of age as of October 2005, i still doubt my own character very much. i guess majority of e ppl almost hardly c their own behaviour.. or think there is anything wrong with them.. well i used to be like tt until suddenly a few months bac, i dun understand how but i'm starting to loathe my own behaviour and attitude. Yet i can do nothing abt it. It is similar to having a split personality except i am aware of it. isn't tt creepy? i'm almost gg nuts. i kno i am petty, bossy, more impatient these days, jealous, possessive.. OMG. all these make such a terrible person. and i'm sad tt i am all these.. oh e worst of all is tt i have such a mean mouth.. my comments come out as naturally as i take in oxygen. HOW?!?!?! i kno tt e ppl ard me kno tt i am such a person and i salute them for having put up with me for so long but i kno one of these days.. someone somewhere is gonna blow up and up and go. b4 tt happens.. i realli hope i can change for e better. i hate myself so much now.

so in less 2 months, i'll b officially starting to work. the panic attacks are building up slowly.. i can feel it. it'll b great to see the money coming in but.. issit gonna b enuff? with all the new responsibilities i have to take up, i'm so afraid i'll b leading the lifestyle tt i am now.. hand to mouth.. i realli hate it.. instability, insecurity.. i wish i cud jus get out of here and lead my own life but.. tt is realli selfish and chilidish and i dun think i'll b able to fight my conscience. and guess wat.. this is wat some ppl call growing up. i guess.. i realli have to grow up now.. omg i sound so ridiculous. i'm 23!!! T_T

posted by Mrs. Lee @ 11:56 AM