:: nothing lasts forever ::
wat it appears to me right now.. is tt he is trying to delay for time. for wat, i certainly haf no idea. he is biding for the right time to say the right things (or wrong things?) or perhaps, he simply wants to concentrate on his world cup. wow, i feel so impt. (btw, i am sad tt POR is out. and i think FRA is gonna win the cup.)suddenly a lot of things tt he said in the past flew back into my mind.. and made me more mad.
1. when we quarreled last time, he wud alwaes try to resolve it in the shortest time possibe cuz, "i kno u wud feel horrible emotionally.. so i wanna solve it asap so u wun haf to go thru it too long.." and wat now, he is taking his own sweet time, making me feel horrible to punish me, issit? or, he dun realli care how i feel anymore?
2. "i nv thot of breaking up with u, i haf oredi decided u to b my life partner." and now, it's, "u r right to say i haf been impatient with u, and i think u deserve someone better." so much for treating me like family, as if he wud go to his mother and say, "i think u deserve a better son, so.. bye."
i haf nv been and nv will b treated as an equal to his FAMILY.
3. "even if we quarrel and i am angry with u, i will still tell u where i'm gg and wat i'm doing for the day. but u dun, and it's like u dun care abt the r'ship anymore." and look who is calling the kettle black? no sms-es or phone calls for 3 days now. i wudn't haf known even if he's oredi gotten a new "life partner". and yes, it also looks like he does not wish to carry on with this r'ship anymore.
to me, these r clear signs of an end to a r'ship. and i am tired of waiting for the verdict. why shud i let him torture me like tt? if there were any love, i certainly dun feel it now. if tt was his way of being understanding, in my POV, it isn't. and if he thot things wud calm down after a few days, in my case, it has gotten worst. and i am getting more hopeless each day of hearing wat i wanna hear from him.
as many wud also do, i am withdrawing slowly from him. i suppose the pain wun b too bad when he finally decides on the prosperous day to hit me with his decision. even tho it's all so clear to me now. living in denial is such a hard to thing to do. i kno it yet i still do it.
if u r thinking why i dun jus call him up to sort things out, cuz i think the last bit of thing i can do for him, is to respect his privacy. something he hasn't had a lot since we were tgt, i guess.
i am starting to suspect tt he is finally beginning to feel like i did when we 1st started out.. like this is not the right r'ship for him.. and it's gg nowhere.. and it's impossible for us to work out our differences. but i've come a long way to build up something substantial and convincing between us and NOW he feels this way. it wud b a bloody waste of time for me if this ended. not to mention the bloody effort too. it was all for fcuk.
sad to kno i am unwanted. horrified to kno he can actually let go. devastated to kno the love is gone.
NOTHING LASTS FOREVER.
yes i m very angry.
posted by Mrs. Lee @ 1:41 PM
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