:: My Drama-Rama Mind ::

:: can a marriage function w/o a sense of security? ::

yday i had another thrash-it-out talk with my guy again. seems to b happening more now than b4. like b4, we cudn't reach a consensus. it ended with him walking away in a huff & i rem batting my eyelids at him b4 i turned to go too.

i kno it is very frustrating to b faced with self-created problems such as these. even as i am typing now, i am sick & tired of repeating e same things to him. but how can i not if it's bothering me? this concerns the rest of my life, it's abt my kids, my future husband & family. shud i realli b taking it lightly or wat most ppl like to say, compromise & close one eye? one thing abt me for sure, i am not one with a high level of tolerance. & i cannot tolerate imperfection in my relationship. i will not allow even a small speck of dust in my relationship. i will thrash it out with u anytime. guess i'm bitchier than most girls, then again, i am not MOST GIRLS.

so this time, i told him exactly wat bugs me. as a matter of fact, i didn't kno my reason for doing so. i jus wanted him to kno. cuz rather than getting married & headed for a divorce, we might as well talk abt it now rite? cuz i can oredi foresee this posing as a big problem in our "marriage". shud his mom & i haf disagreements. how he's gg to handle it is gg to be very crucial in the marriage. for example, if it is regarding my kids, there is no way i'm gg to compromise to his mother. come on, they're MY kids! & if my husband is not gg to lay a finger to help me on it, wat am i doing in the marriage, seriously? i jus feel tt things like tt mus b discussed b4 we realli decide to head for marriage.

i guess my concerns didn't appeal much to him. cuz instead of affirming his stand as a husband, he further affirmed his stand as a son. tt he wud still choose to stay out of it, not taking anyone's side. this is starting to freak me out cuz even something as easy as saying assuring stuff to me jus to keep my mind off it, he wud not do & still maintained tt his mom is impt to him. wat chance do i haf of having him over on my side when situations turn ugly? cuz u kno, no one can predict wat's gonna happen in future.

breaking up, i realised, is not exactly an option. cuz it's jus running away from the problem. & who knos i might b faced with the same problem if i go out with someone else. so, wat do i do? i jus hafta pray realli hard tt when we eventually do get married, his priorities will change & i can actually b happy in the relationship & haf a sense of security in the marriage.

posted by Mrs. Lee @ 11:11 AM